Concussed?

This is the post my mom has been begging me to write since the event occurred.  Not because it highlights our parenting adventures, but I think because it paints a perfect picture of the quick wit of Evelyn's Uncle Charlie.  As it is, this is the story of our almost first trip to the emergency room.

A few Saturdays ago, Steve was up at his parents' helping his dad rip out the old deck.  Evelyn took a nap, woke up, ate, and it was time to change her and get her dressed for the day.  I put on her new diaper, after which she immediately rolled over onto her belly on the table.  I know all the books make perfectly clear that you are to keep one hand on baby at all times when they are on the changing table so that they don't roll off. Once she started rolling, I still wasn't really worried about the rolling because, much like Derek Zoolander, Evelyn is not an ambi-turner.  At the time, she could only roll to the right, which was towards the wall.  Not that I ever walk away while she's on the table, but if I need to grab diapers or wipes or clothes out of the drawer in the table, I don't pick her up.

So, she rolled over and I took this opportunity to grab an outfit for the day.  As I was pondering the blue crab bubble shorts or the pink monkey bubble shorts, she began her new thing.  You know those "superman" exercise moves where you lay on your belly and lift your arms and legs at the same time?  Her new thing is to do those, but fast and spastic like she's just downed a 5 hour energy drink.  She loves it, it amuses her, and it makes us laugh.  Until I heard the crack that could only be a head whacking into the side of the very solid table, and the wail that followed.

I immediately also burst into tears, grabbed her, and panicked.  Do I call 911?  the doctor?  put ice on it?  not do anything because maybe she's just reacting to my horror at the thought that I've just given my kid a traumatic brain injury?  Notice that at no point did I think, maybe I should call Steve?  How could I call and tell him that I've just broken his perfect baby girl?  That after all the eye-rolling and I'll do its, it was actually me who ruined her first?

I ended up doing what any normal new mom would do, I called my mom.  After explaining the situation, her first question was, "What's she doing now?  I don't hear anything, is she crying?"  In the two minutes that I tried to figure out what to do, Evelyn had calmed down and moved on.  At this point Kelly also came out of her room (the crying had woken her up, so I'm not just being dramatic) and did a quick nurse's once-over, declared her fine and told me to get over it.

Still not convinced, I packed Evelyn in the carseat, and drove to my parents'.  Nanny declared her fine, and we proceeded to take our walk, as intended.  I still had not called Steve.  Why worry him?  We took our walk and Evelyn fell asleep.  In my mind I was convinced she had a concussion, not that it's totally normal for her to fall asleep on a walk.  When we got back, I was relieved that she woke up as soon as I started taking her out of the stroller.

We went into the house, where I explained to my brother, Charlie, what had happened, and concluded the story with...

ME: But it's ok, she doesn't have a concussion or anything.

CHARLIE: How do you know?

ME: She woke right up after her nap, and it's hard to wake up a person with a concussion.

CHARLIE: That's not the only sign.  Evelyn, WHERE ARE YOU??  WHAT'S THE DATE??  SAY YOUR NAME!

NANNY: (In her best Beyonce impression, which those of you who know her, know is impressive) Say my name, say my name...

EVELYN: What kind of nut house is this?

Steve finally got home a little later, and I confessed what had happened and showed him the little bruise that did develop right at the top of her nose.  Although at this point, I'm not sure that it wasn't just some kind of mark that was already there and I just never noticed because it hasn't gone away three weeks later.  Or maybe I really did ruin her?  His response, "Maybe we should start strapping her down when we change her?"  I fought the urge to eye roll and said maybe that was a good idea.  On the inside I was thinking, "Oh right, and how am I supposed to get her dressed every day strapped in?"  To prove his point, he took her right in for a diaper change and strapped her down.  He turned to get a diaper and when he turned back, this is what he found:

Vacation!

It's been for-EV-ver!  We went on our first big trip last week.  Some of you may recall how I prepared for our first road trip.  Instead of spending the evening before preparing, I spent a whole week preparing and packing to go away to Maine.  I made serious lists: things to pack, things to remember to do, things to buy, things to get at my parents', things to find, etc.  I do have to give myself a pat on the back because we had every single thing we needed...for Evelyn.  And to be honest, the only thing I forgot for myself was my rain coat.  It wasn't on a list.

We made it out of the house right on schedule, 6:15, and everything was going great.  Evelyn didn't fall asleep right away, but it was fine because she was happy kicking her carseat and blowing raspberries at herself in the mirror.  She eventually took a snooze and we made it to New York, no sweat.  We stopped for breakfast at good, ol' McDonald's.  I started feeding baby, and Steve got in line to order.  I was suddenly distracted by a commotion by the registers.  I looked over and saw that Steve was about to have to break up a fight between a couple of eighty year old punks.  Mac apparently cut in line, which really angered the other man waiting, who expressed his anger by calling Mac an "old bastard."  Well, that really set Mac off.  Mac started wagging his finger in the other guy's face, and then suddenly it was over.  And that, my friends, was the highlight of our trip.  Everything went downhill from there.

Rain and traffic caused us to crawl through Connecticut.  But the real problem that we had to deal with was constipation.  As of the morning we left, Evelyn had not pooped in 2 days.  I switched her cereal to something with more fiber, but it wasn't helping  When we finally stopped again she had been grunting and groaning for about 20 minutes, but there was nothing in the diap.  We got out, ate again, and got back in the car to let her crawl around for a bit.  She started grunting and groaning again, and making faces like these:

The next thing I knew, there was a ball of poop almost as big as a tennis ball in her diaper.  You could see it protruding through her diaper.  The oatmeal was finally working!  We got her changed, and she started jumping and smiling again for a few minutes.  And then the grunting, groaning, and faces started again.  Suddenly, I could feel another massive poop through the diaper.  Changing her was going to be a little trickier this time.  It was pouring out again, and laying her on the seat was not going to be possible without one of us getting soaked.  So, I placed her, poopy diaper and all, on my lap and Steve changed her.  Why I don't think to take pictures of these things, I will never know.  

I did remember to take a picture of me pumping in the car though.  Unfortunately, my hooter hider is now gone.  I think it must have fallen out of the car at some point while I was climbing in or out.  

So, exactly twelve hours after we hit the road, we finally arrived at Grammy's house.  We had a great week! Some of the highlights of our week include

Meeting some Lane cousins!

Meeting some Footer cousins!

A Sea Dogs baseball game!

Five Islands

Feeling the Atlantic Ocean for the first time!

Playing with Daddy at the lake!

Not liking the 4th of July parade.

Our drive up to Maine started with poop, so it is only fitting that we dealt with poop on our way home as well.  We had another poop-less day or two before driving home yesterday.  As soon as we got home and out of the car, the grunting started again and she managed a little one.  Before putting her in the tub, I always stand her on the counter in the bathroom to make faces in the mirror.  The faces I got last night, were more poop faces.  The next thing I knew, there it was coming out of her little hiney.  Steve ran in with a diaper and caught it just in time as it fell out of her tush.  A smarter person would have held her over the toilet, but it's hard to think of these things in the moment!

Things I will never understand...

I know I've mentioned it, but one of the greatest parts of this blog is how many times I hear from people that they are reading it.  I love that people find it interesting.  I also love the little stories people tell me that relate to what I write about.  It's great when you all add to the top 10 lists.  That in mind, I really hope some of you have stories to add to this post.

Here are some things I will never, ever understand about my baby.  I won't make it to 10, so I hope some of you comment and help me fill in the rest.

1. My child can sleep through a crazy-wild thunderstorm, the industrial lawn mowers outside, even the removal of a tree right outside her window.  The minute I get into the shower, though, or bend over to pick something up and my knee cracks, she's up and ready to go.

2. Whenever we are in the car and she's screaming, every single light turns red.  On the rare ocassion I'm in the car alone, on a beautiful day, and I am driving with the windows down and the music blaring, and the wind blowing my hair in my face, not one single light turns red to allow me to put it up in a ponytail.

3. I don't get why the minute I finally decide it's safe to post about Evelyn sleeping through the night, she decides to go on a 3 night sleeping strike.  Ok, I kind of get that one.

4. I've been trying for a week to try to get Evelyn to wave her fingers at me when I do it to her with no luck. The minute someone gets her to blow a raspberry immediately following a drink of water, it's all she wants to do.  She can remember that, but not how to wave her fingers.  I guess I get this one too, who wouldn't want to spray their mommy with water and peas.

5. I iron my baby's clothes.  Obviously not all of them, but the ones with collars and some of the dresses.  In the meantime, I let my clothes sit in the dryer for days getting all wrinkly and just throw them on without even blinking at my state of disarray.  It isn't like people aren't going to think my kid is adorable, even in a wrinkled outfit.  Me on the other hand, it definitely takes a little more work.

6. Why are people still asking me if it's a boy or girl?  She wears pink and ruffles and dresses and bows, and everything has flowers and butterflies for crying out loud.  The worst is when they try to defend themselves and talk about how they just have to ask because you just never know these days.  No you just don't have to ask.  Use your brain!  I don't know any mother who dresses her son like this:

Except for maybe those parents up in Canada a few years ago who were trying to raise a gender-neutral kid.  And they would probably be happy if you called their son a girl.

Father's Day

Steve told me that for Father's Day all he wanted was to play golf with his dad and uncles.  Since I would have "let" him do that anyway, I felt like I still needed to do something.  I couldn't think of any kind of present to give him.  Instead, I thought of some things I could do for him this weekend instead.  When I told him I was going to blog about this he said, "Please don't embarrass me!"  I will try not to.  :)

1. I will make breakfast for him instead of the usual, which is him making it for me.

2. I will clean my hair off the bathroom floor.  The postpartum hair loss is really driving him insane.  And while I'm at it, I'll vacuum all the threads off the floor, too.

3.  I will get my own glass of water before I start pumping, instead of asking him to do it the minute he sits down on the couch.

4.  I won't roll my eyes at the silly things he says, not even behind his back.  Although he definitely pushed it today when he said to Evelyn, "Guess who you're going to see today?  I'll give you a hint, it rhymes with Shmom-mom Shmane."

5.  I won't give him grief over any noises that come from his body.  And it's allergy season, so he's sneezing a lot! ;)

6.  When Evelyn poops this weekend I won't do what I usually do and call him because I need him to come help me with something.

I was going for 10, but I've run out of steam.  Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there!

Sleep

I'm a deadbeat blogger.  I was all gung ho at the beginning, and now I can't get myself to write.  There's a reason though.  I haven't wanted to talk about it for a while because I was afraid that it might stop.  But on the eve of her half birthday here it is folks: our baby SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT!!!!!

It was like a switch was flipped.  She didn't want to do it, and then she did.  And it's a whole new world.  A world in which we sleep all night ourselves and I have the energy and brainpower to do things.  A few months ago I could barely function enough to make it through an episode of the Kardashians, and we all know that requires little to no brain cells.  I really have no idea how moms go to work and have a baby.  You are all superheros.

The other night I didn't even wake up to pee.  It was the first time in over a year that I was able to sleep through the night.  It was glorious.  With my new lease on life I have been keeping myself busy.  I'm reading books again, I've made three quilt tops, the laundry and vacuuming are usually done.

What I don't understand is why I keep doing some of the same stupid stuff I did when I was getting up all night long.  Allow me to give you two examples from today alone.  This morning I made my Mae's cinnamon toast (thanks Mom!) and got out the peanut butter.  I reached in the drawer for a knife, and pulled out a knife already coated in peanut butter!  Apparently yesterday instead of putting the dirty peanut butter knife in the dishwasher, I put it back in the drawer.

Moron move number two came when I went to put gas in the car today.  I removed my debit card from its pocket and swiped it.  Cannot process card.  I swiped again.  Cannot process card.  I swiped a third time.  Cannot process card.  I look at card.  For whatever reason, a Regal Movie Points card does not register at the Wawa gas pump.  It should though for what movies cost.  The real kicker was when I tried to swipe my actual debit card and it took three tries to do that, too, because I kept inserting it the wrong direction.

I guess in the grand scheme of things these events aren't that bad.  But, when you start to put stuff like this together on a daily basis, it makes you start to seriously worry about yourself!  Was I this moronic before I had a kid?  Will it end?  

Highlights of my day

I started writing this the other day and got distracted.  Rereading, I realize I sound very whiny.  I attribute this to having some serious sinus congestion earlier this week.  It was really one of the first times since Evelyn was born that I haven't felt well.  I'm posting anyway because you get a good picture of a day in the life of us.

The day started with a poop.  Right at the exact moment I poured my milk on my cereal.  The poor kid had to wait until I finished every, last chocolatey chex and drank the milk.  The joke was on this sucker though because since she started solid foods, that poop stinks!

Allow me to next provide you with a number story to solve.  Evelyn takes a nap two hours after she wakes up in the morning.  If her nap started at the same time as Good Morning America (7 am), what time did Evelyn wake up yesterday morning?  For those of you reading who also have babies, I'll answer for you because your brain is probably still focused on the thought of chocolate cereal, which is amazing.  5 am she woke up. I'm really trying to not sound like I'm complaining about this.  Weeks ago I would have paid money for my baby to sleep until 5 am.  I think it was more the fact that I was also using my Neti Pot practically every 5 minutes and my head felt the size of a Thanksgiving Day Parade balloon that made our early start so rough.

Luckily, I had something to look forward to yesterday.  I was meeting some other mommies at the mall.  As usual, I planned out my trip.  I wanted to run one quick errand in the mall before our meeting time.  I planned out my parking for the location for what I thought would be closest to the store I needed to visit.  Apparently I don't go to the mall as often as I thought and had no idea where I needed to be.  As a result, I was downstairs, and I needed to be upstairs.  Have you ever tried to find an elevator in a mall?  It really isn't as easy as you would think.  They are not well marked at all.  I finally found one in Macy's.

Grabbed some lunch with the mommies and headed to the play area.  Fed my kid and played for a while.  While doing that, I was also keeping an eye on the two old guys sitting in the playground making google eyes at my baby.  I'm sure they were harmless, but it made me feel better to know that the other girls I was with were equally wary.  We walked the mall a bit and then I headed back to Macy's, where I spent another 5 minutes searching for the elevator again.

One more stop at Babies R Us because I had a coupon and wanted to get myself Evelyn a new toy.  She was exhausted by this point and spent the whole 15 minutes I shopped crying.  As I got to the checkout, I discovered that the coupon was not good for toys, naturally.  So no new toys for me.

I got home, dropped everything and ran to the bathroom to pee.  There I discovered that my day's adventures had all occurred with my fly down.  Awesome.

A New Top 10

A few weeks ago I posted my Top 10 Signs You're a New Mom.  It made me start to reminiss about college because my friend, Erica, created many top 10 lists throughout college.  The more I thought about college, the more I realize that there were some serious similarities between being a new parent and being in college.  In the back of my head I started forming a new Top 10 list on the topic.  Great moms must think alike because yesterday Erica posted her own Top 10 list about how being mom to her sweet boy John is much like having a college roommate.

I am so flippin happy that she created a new Top 10 list I can't even begin to put it into words.   Since it's much more complete than my top 10, I decided to steal it and feature Erica as a guest blogger!

Top 10 reasons my baby is like my college roommate...

10. He has a collection of stuffed bunnies...creepy.
9. He's up until all hours of the night drinking and carrying on.
8. He gets a lot of visitors.
7. All of his clothes are dirty and in a pile on the floor.
6. Despite # 7, he's not planning on doing laundry any time in the near future.
5. We were out on the front porch at 4 am with a bottle watching the sun come up this morning.
4. He encourages me to show much more skin in public than I am comfortable with.
3. He wakes up covered in pee and vomit and is truly surprised because he doesn't know where it came from and can't manage to clean it up so he just starts crying.
2. The neighbors complain about the noise.

...and the #1 reason having a baby is like having a college roommate: having one makes you think you're a real adult but in reality you have no idea what you are doing!


Love it!  A few additional ones that were on my list:

• When she pulls an all-nighter, you do too.  It's a solidarity thing.  

• She lays in the middle of the living room floor and can't get up.  So she cries about it.

• When she drinks too much it's hard for her to hold her head up or keep her eyes open.

As with the last top 10 list, I really hope that some of you have your own to add.  Thank you, Erica, for allowing me to steal your Top 10.  I can't wait to meet your little man soon!

Oh the pictures I found looking for one to post.  I can't believe someone went and let us have babies!