The Cow

Since the moment I started blogging I have been mentally preparing a post about breastfeeding.  It has just never materialized for a few reasons.  Usually something else came up that I would rather write about.  Another is that breastfeeding can be a touchy subject.  Some people don't do it, some people can't do it, some people do it way too long, and some people are cows who were just made to produce milk.  I happen to fall into the cow category.

And I suppose because I started out as a cow I just assumed I would stay a cow.   I thought there would always be time to write the post about being a cow.  At the height of my cow-ness I fed Evelyn at least 5 times a day and was still able to pump twice a day, filling about three 5-ounce milk bags to freeze.  At the peak of my milk production I had close to 200 bags of milk stored in my freezer, my parents' freezer, and my in-laws' freezer.  On any given day this was what my sink looked like full of bottles and pump parts:

The freezer looked something like this:

I pumped so much that Kelly asked me on numerous occasions why I was pumping so often.  She said, you make so much milk because you pump so much.  My answer was that I wanted to be prepared for when Evelyn goes to day care.  I don't want her to have to go on formula if I can make enough milk for her.  She accepted that answer, but still thought I was crazy.  

I pumped so much that Steve actually said to me, "I think you're addicted to pumping."  He might actually have been right.  I wanted to stop, but I just couldn't.  Even though I was so sick of cleaning all the parts and trying to remember which milk was pumped on which day, still I pumped.  Some days I felt like some kind of mad scientist combining bottles to make up 5 ounce bags to freeze.  I was just so over pumping, but I still couldn't stop as much as I wanted to because I was just afraid we wouldn't have enough milk.  That in mind, I sat down one day during nap time and started doing calculations to figure out how long the currently frozen milk could last.  If she uses 3 bags of milk a day at day care I can get this many days out of the milk...  If she uses 2 bags of milk a day...  Using these calculations I determined that I needed to pump at least through July to have a chance of getting to Evelyn's first birthday before running out of milk.  

But then as I was pumping I started noticing a change.  I was spending more and more time pumping, but getting less and less milk.  There actually came a morning where I pumped for at least 10 minutes and got nothing.  Not one drop.  I spent a few days being sad that I wasn't making as much milk, until I realized that it meant I could stop pumping so much!  And the decision was out of my hands!  It wasn't like I was making a conscious decision to stop.  Suddenly I am down to one pumping session a day, and even though I barely get enough milk to make one bottle anymore, I'm at least not having to use the milk I have stored ready for daycare yet.  That will start next week.