Happy 3rd Birthday Evelyn!

My baby turned three the other day.  It's absolutely unbelievable to me that it has been three years since my spunky little girl was born.  Each day I am amazed by the person she is becoming.

I distinctly remember that when she turned one I thought there was going to be this magical change.  As if turning one were like flipping a switch between being a baby and being a little person.  Things would be easier.  She would understand what I was trying to tell her.  We would start to do things together, not just me doing things for her.  Well naturally I was very mistaken for quite a while.  Obviously her development continued to be gradual.  I kind of had the same notion of what it meant to turn two, and once again there was no instant change.

As we approached three I didn't have the same expectation.  I knew there would be no sudden change.  But a few weeks ago I did start to notice some changes in Evelyn.  All of a sudden she has been able to do things for herself.  She can put on her coat by herself.  She can play independently for ten minutes.  She pretends, and in a way that is totally adorable.  She is a brand new little person.  And her memory...oh my gosh.  She remembers everything.  And that little girl knows exactly what she wants.

But I think the very best part is how aware she is about everything that is going on.  She knows that Christmas is coming up.  She knows what her birthday means.  It was her special day.  Her favorite people were all together in one place and it was ALL. ABOUT. HER!  And I think my very favorite part was the look on her face when everyone was standing around, singing happy birthday to her, and watching her blow out her candles.  The look on her face was just absolutely priceless.  The pictures don't do it justice...

My Christmas List

It's that time of year when people start asking what you want for Christmas.  So, for anyone looking to get me (or probably any other mom) a gift, here is my Christmas list.  In no particular order...

1. I would love to go an hour without having to ask "What did you do to your sister?"

2. It would be incredible to be able to be completely alone in the bathroom for the entire time I am getting ready.  From brushing my teeth to drying my hair, I want to be completely alone.  And bonus if I have the luxury to take my time.

3. I want to clean the kitchen (I'm not even asking someone else to do it for me!) and have it still be clean when I turn around.  Where do the dishes come from???  No matter what I do, there is another dish lurking somewhere, just waiting for the right moment to show its dirty, ugly face.

4. I would like to do something seasonal as a family.  And I don't want to have to wait in line, worry about tickets ahead of time, fight for parking, etc.  Just get up and go.  And it would be great if I could get a family picture at this outing.  One where we look put together, without TRYING to look put together.  "Oh look...we just happened to all be wearing seasonal colors at the same time!!"

5. And after this wonderful, quality, family time, I would love an hour alone.  With a cup of HOT coffee.  That I didn't have to reheat.

So that's it.  Just 5 little things that would make me super happy for Christmas.

Bad Mom

Started this a few weeks ago, but let's just pretend it was this week.  I need to preface this post by saying I am not looking to be consoled.  I don't want to hear that I'm doing fine.  Because to be honest, that will probably make me feel worse about how I acted.  

On Monday I was not a good mom.  Not that I consider myself a great mom on any given day, but most days I would call myself at least a good mom.  Monday was not one of those days.

Allow me to set the scene:

We had a great day Saturday.  We went to visit my brother who lives near Reading, got some lunch, went to a corn maze.  Evelyn was a little out of sorts because she was a bit uncomfortable not having pooped since Thursday morning (for those of you who have been around this blog for a while, haven't you missed the posts about poop???).  By Sunday, though, things were pretty rough at the Lane house.  Both girls had had really bad sleep nights between the lack of poop and teeth.

When Sunday evening rolled around, poor Evelyn was a hot little mess.  It was just painful to watch her hunch over.  We had given her prune juice, lots of fruit, and anything we could find with a lot of fiber.  We had dinner at my parents' and it was a sight to see because we were all doing everything we could to try to get her to poop.  We were making up these ridiculous dances trying to get her to push things down.  And finally before bed she pooped twice.

Monday morning she pooped again...and I mean pooped!  Things were good.  She seemed to be back to normal.  Apparently she wasn't done though, because she went three more times at school.  And this mom of the year forgot the extra diapers on the counter.  Ugh.  When I picked her up I grabbed the few out of the diaper bag and left them in case I forgot again.

When we got home we had lunch and I put both girls down for a nap and hopped in the shower.  When I got up, Evelyn had decided to crawl into the crib and play with her sister.  Back to their respected beds, and things got quiet for 20 minutes.  Vivian started fussing and the next thing I knew Evelyn was slamming open her door and running in to see her sister.  Naps were not going to happen.
 
The problem is that if a nap doesn't happen, Evelyn is a hot mess.  I kept trying to get her interested in things to do, but she was just being a pill.  Let's make an octopus (I had been on Pinterest the night before...)!  Got out the paint...that lasted 3 minutes.  Let's find letters on the magnet board!  NO!  Let's pretend to be animals!  Hop like a kangaroo!  NO!  Let's read a book!  Princesses!  NO!  WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?!?!?!?!  I was so mad at myself that we have been implementing a "TV Turnoff" right now because the watching has just been getting a little out of hand.  All I wanted was to put in a movie and be done with it.  

And with every game I tried to get her interested in that she just brushed aside I got more mad that she wouldn't just take a nap because obviously she needed one.  I was exhausted, she was exhausted, Vivian was exhausted, but no one was napping.  And then she was whining and yelling, so I started whining and yelling.  I was doing everything that I know I shouldn't do.

And I was watching the clock because at about 4:00 my in-laws were due to arrive.  Mommom and Poppop would fix this.  And that was almost equally frustrating because the minute they walked in the door, she would be a different child.  And she was.

She was a lovely child for Mommom, and then was even relatively normal when we went to get dinner.  And I just fumed on the inside because of the little pain in the butt she had been for me all afternoon and for the bad mom I had been in trying to deal with it.

Then she pooped again.  And I reached into the diaper bag...for the diapers that weren't there anymore.  UUUUUUGGGHHH.  It was at that moment that I washed my hands of the day.

And you know, for every day that is a mom fail, there is a mom win because the next morning Evelyn woke up and wanted to finish the octopus I had tried to get her to make with me, and we did.  And it was adorable.  And then she ripped it apart before I could take a picture.

Crying it Out

Last weekend was my sister's wedding.  And I heard from quite a few people how much they love reading about our adventures.  This I know was a really nice way of saying, start writing again you slacker!  Okay, I am sure no one thought slacker.  But it's kind of how I feel seeing as I just looked and my last post was in JULY!

A lot has happened since July.  One of the biggest, and worst, things that has happened is that my baby went from a sleeps through the night baby to a doesn't ever sleep baby.  And the only thing worse than a baby that doesn't sleep, is a baby who USED to sleep.  Maybe it was a growth spurt, maybe it was switching to sleeping in the crib, but whatever the cause, we don't sleep anymore.

At Vivian's 6 month appointment, which was exactly a month ago, the doctor basically said there was no reason for her to still be waking up every 3 hours and it was time to get tough.  We went through a "cry it out" phase with Evelyn, so I wasn't opposed to the idea.  I had been planning it myself, just hadn't really put it into effect.

So I made a plan.  That weekend we would implement cry it out.  Steve and Evelyn were both going to be away (maintaining their sleep was one of the main reasons I ran every time I heard a cry).  It was just Vivian and me.  Mommy and baby.  It was on.

I caved.  There is just something about hearing a baby cry in the middle of the night that is just impossible to ignore.

Steve got home, I got amped up to try it again.  20 minutes of crying it out.  Screaming...not just whining.  There was a problem.  The problem was a growth spurt.  When I finally went in there she ate like she had never eaten before.  And again 3 hours later.  And this went on for a few nights.  When I was finally sure that the growth spurt was over, I geared up for crying it out take two.  A night or so into round two...Vivian came down with her first cold.  I couldn't very well let her cry it out when she was already completely congested, so there we were up again every three house.  About two weeks into the "cry it out" fight, and Mommy was losing big time.

Cold cleared up.  Round three was going to be a Mommy win.  It had to be.  But suddenly instead of up every 3-4 hours, we had a night that we were barely getting 2-3.  I was beside myself.  Then I reached into her mouth the next morning (which happened to be wedding day) to pull out something she stuck in there and felt...a tooth!  I mean, come on!  Growth spurt, cold, now teeth???  This kid was using every trick in the book!

She cut two teeth that weekend, and I was thinking that was it.  It was time for a breakthrough with the sleeping.  And I was right.  She slept for 5-6 hours for the next two nights.  The only problem was that apparently she pulled her big sister into her little game, and Evelyn was up every 3-4 hours for the next few nights.

At this point, it's been a month and there is no real progress.  Last night I geared back up again for a round of crying it out.  2:00 rolled around and she started crying, then screaming.  What could she possibly need?  What could she throw at us that she hasn't pulled yet??  Poop.  A nice two am poop.  The kind that requires a complete jammie change.  And for some reason there were no wipes in her room.  The extra packs are all in Evelyn's room (why...WHY???).  

And that brings us to today.  I have no strength.  One of these days Mommy has to get a win in, right??

The Cow, take 2

As some of you may remember, when it comes to breastfeeding I compared myself to a cow when I was breastfeeding Evelyn.  It should come as no surprise that as far as feeding Vivian, I'm still cow-like.  It's a little sick actually because it has come to the point where when I send my family an adorable video of Vivian being all cute and smiley, the response I get from my sister and mother is this:

 

I'm not nearly as crazy about pumping this time, especially considering Vivian will not be going to daycare anytime soon.  No need to make sure we have a huge stockpile of milk.  I've just been pumping once in the morning, mostly because when Vivian was first born she struggled so much with how quickly the milk came out.  Pumping in the morning helped slow down the milk flow and allowed her to feed at a pace that was more comfortable for her.  It also helped make feeding a little less stressful for me because the gagging and choking was just really scary.  Pumping is still a pain in the butt, though.  I still feel like something of a mad scientist as I combine milk from various days to make full bottles for freezing.  I also think I may have gone just a little crazy a while back when I decided to start documenting different milestones and events on the milk bags: 

 

 

Because Vivian struggled with feeding a little due to getting so much milk, I was kind of nervous to introduce her to the bottle.  I figured she would like the bottle more because the flow of milk was a little slower and she could control it more.  But the desire to be able to get out of the house without the baby outweighed the fear of her preferring the bottle, and at a month old we decided to give it a shot.  As it turned out, my fears couldn't have been farther from reality.  She absolutely refused the bottle.  When we gave Evelyn her first bottle she took it like a champ, and I guess we were expecting the same thing.  What we got were huge baby meltdowns from a baby that is generally the most laid back, easy going little thing.  The only person she seemed to care to take a bottle from was me, which defeated the purpose of the bottle to begin with.  Awesome. 

I became convinced for quite a while that I would now have a freezer full of milk that she would never use.  The milk would just sit there for ever and I would never be able to leave the house without my child.  My infant has been to four bridal showers with me already in her short life because I couldn't leave her at home.  That's more than I had been to by the time I was 25.  Even though I was never going to be able to use the milk I had been working so hard to pump, I still dreaded the thought of losing it when we lost power during a crazy thunderstorm.  I packed that stuff up in cooler bags and drove myself over to my parents' house at 10:00 at night to make use of their generator.  (Also, the quickest way to get the power back was to take the milk somewhere it would be safe I figured.)

Luckily, after a few weeks of some serious work, Vivian is finally taking a bottle.  We have about a week's worth of milk stored in the freezer, which is about all our freezer can hold.  I can leave the house finally without worrying that my baby is starving, and I've been able to make trips to the gym, grocery store, and doctor's appointments without baby. Oh, and Steve and I have been able to get out a few times, too...
 

Seasons come, and seasons go...

As usual in Southeastern Pennsylvania, the seasons have changed.  We went from winter to pollen to summer in a matter of a few weeks.  The changing of seasons means changing the wardrobe of my girls.  It's a time of emptying out the drawers, refolding much of what got pushed around in the search for the perfect outfit, getting things organized, and packing it into bins for storage in the attic.

As I pack the bins I try to be aware of the clothes I'm putting away for whoever might use it next.  Is it too stained to be used again?  Was it too cumbersome to get on and off?  Was it ever worn at all and why?  The changing of the seasons is a great time to purge the stuff that I know won't ever be worn again for whatever reason.  I find myself being even more aware of what I'm packing away with Evelyn's clothes now that I know that there is definitely the potential for future wear.  Luckily for Vivian, her big sister is a sloppy eater and her favorite condiment is ketchup, which stains so badly there are many shirts that have meet their untimely end one chicken nugget or French fry at a time. 

Then, I make Steve pull down the bins of Evelyn's old clothes from the attic and start the process of unpacking them.  I remember thinking that it would be so easy having a second girl.  We don't need ANYTHING I foolishly thought.  I did not factor in that they were born in completely different seasons.  So as I begin to unpack those bins I find myself one season behind.  We are entering summer, and Vivian is just entering the 6 month size.  Evelyn's 6 month clothes are winter/spring.  I suddenly understand why Carter's sells almost everything for infants in 3 piece sets... long sleeve, short sleeve, and pants.  It basically works year round.  So if I want my baby to wear nothing but a onesie for the next few months, I'm all set.  But she's a baby girl, and baby girls need to wear cute clothes!  And there is so much to choose from!  Little sundresses and rompers and things with frills!

So we get new stuff.  And with the new stuff comes the unholy chore of cutting off all of the tags.  For those of you who haven't done it in a while or who have never had the experience, here I document for you in pictures the task of cutting off the tags from new kids' clothing...



First you spend an absurdly long time in Carter's picking clothes out.  Do you want the jammies with kitties or birdies?  Long pants or shorts?  When you get home you find that you have completely by accident (I swear!) picked out things for your daughters that fall in the same theme.   

Next you start cutting tags.  And everything has a tag, and sometimes a tag and a sticker.  And the hats have little cardboard inserts to make sure they keep their shape. 

And when the clothing is for infants everything has a little plastic hook connecting it to the hanger.  Every. Single. Thing. And the little plastic hooks are also connecting every piece of clothing to the other pieces of clothing.  So a two piece set has at least two plastic hooks, a three piece set has at least three hooks, and don't even get me started on a six piece onesie set. 

 

So when you're finally finished you have a pile that looks like this.  And when you go to throw it out inevitably you drop one of those little plastic pieces on the floor.  And when they are little, you worry about your kids finding one of those pieces and putting it in her mouth.  So you get out the vacuum. 

 

Amid the pile of trash are warnings like this.  Oh great, because now on the off chance that my house catches on fire I need to be really worried about how snugly my child's jammies fit. 

 

And finally, there is the pile of new clothes.  That has now turned into a pile of clothes that need to go in the laundry.  Because that sensitive skin can't possibly wear an article of clothing that hasn't been properly washed and dried in fragrant free, sensitive skin appropriate detergent and dryer sheets. 



Making Friends

As I am looking at a full school year home, I am trying to figure out what we will do with ourselves.  The idea of being a stay at home mom for an extended period is both very exciting, and a little intimidating.  And actually, I don't like the term stay at home.  I think I'm going to start saying on the go moms because I very rarely stay at home!  Evelyn is used to being around kids regularly, and she doesn't do well at home for days in a row.  I like taking her places, but I don't really like doing things alone all the time.  It's nice having other adults and kids around to interact with.  Unfortunately, I don't know many other on the go moms. 

As a result I have been trying to meet other moms anywhere I go.  It's a little hard for me because, while I am very outgoing with people I already know, it's hard for me to take the first step toward meeting someone new.  I often think after the fact about how easy it would have been to strike up a conversation with someone I was sitting next to at the playground or smiled at in church, and potentially made a new friend.  My mom assures me that when Evelyn starts preschool in the fall I will start to make friends with the moms of the other kids in her class, but I don't want to wait that long. 

So, I have started forcing myself to be more outgoing.  I have become completely relentless in making connections with anyone I come into contact with who also have kids in Evelyn's general age range.  I have left notes in mailboxes at her daycare, I have struck up conversations with moms and babysitters at the playground, and I think I totally scared a woman in church with what I remembered about her and her family from a conversation months ago.  I have mentioned trying to make friends with a family that lives in our neighborhood so many times that every time we drive past the house Evelyn says something about making friends.  I just talked to Steve over the weekend about planning a neighborhood playdate and putting invitations in the mailboxes of any house we know that has kids. 

This weekend, my attempts were rewarded!  We met a mom and her daughter at the playground who live a few minutes away from us and we hung out there for about an hour.  I gave her my phone number and she texted me about planning to get together again.  And the woman from church?  She texted me this weekend, too, about getting together!  I'm really proud of myself, and can't wait to continue to get to know these families and meeting others!